June 22, 2014 — AP Wire Service — A peaceful ride through Portland’s Sunday Parkways quickly turned into the nation’s first oil-by-bicycle tank car disaster. No injuries were reported and no harm to rivers, streams, or local water supply appeared to occur.
Rising Tide’s beloved Tank O’ Doom (TOD) cruised elegantly through North Portland’s annual family ride– until a sudden gust of wind and “technical issues” aligned, causing the collapse of the iconic symbol of Northwest fossil fuel resistance. No injuries were reported and no harm to local rivers, streams, or water supply appeared to occur.
This was TOD’s third foray into public with the intent of alerting citizens to the connection between the proliferation of oil trafficking in the Northwest and impending catastrophic climate change.
TOD’s quick-witted designers and engineers, Mr Wes and Mike H, skillfully disassembled and reconstructed the tanker in about an hour and a half and got it rolling again, but not before the day’s festivities were almost over.
No injuries were reported and no harm to rivers, streams, or local water supply appeared to occur.
Asked to explain the viability of Friday’s impending tour of Portland’s oil profiteer facilities, Mr Wes explained, “It’s perfectly safe now. Trust us”. The tour is scheduled for Friday, June 27 at 11:30 a.m. Details can be found here.